Let me be honest...
As February has come to close and the beginning of march is here I have to be honest. I am basically like one month away from when I am wanting and have planned to leave for Spain. The end of April has been the goal for the last year of itinerating. I have been working hard to get the funds I have gotten and This journey has definitely tested my faith. But still, I am getting Nervous, scared, and maybe a little doubtful.
Many people know I typically do not get nervous at all very easily. Or at least I keep a cool calm look on the out side. As this month of March is beginning I can tell you it is not cool and calm on the outside. I am nervous. I am nervous about leaving my family. I am nervous about moving to a different country on my own. And I am nervous about where my funds are. Respectfully I am human just like anyone else. And being nervous for new adventures and new beginnings is a good thing. Stepping out of comfort zone to something completely new can be nerve racking. But among these nerves I have a peace. When these nerves hit me hard day after day it is followed by voice in my head that reminds me that God is in control and this sense of peace reminds me I am following Gods call for me.
I am scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared that something bad may happen. Scared that I will miss important events with my family. Miss important first few years of my nephews life. I am scared that this calling I am chasing won’t get funded. I have put everything into this journey. I am scared I will miss out on my families lives. But I am reminded that they also stand behind me and support me on this journey. They encourage me day in and day out. They remind me that technology today is amazing and that with todays technology I wont miss out. They also remind me that if God is for me who can stand against me and if something bad happens God will be with me and He has a plan and will have me working with some amazing people in Spain.
Of course with this being within the final month basically before I am expected to leave doubts have started to flood my mind. Doubts of being able to get funds raised. Doubts that people would stand with me on this journey. Doubts on whether I will be able to go. Doubt in myself to be able to do what God has called me too. This are all real doubts I battle day after day. and as this month has hit they have grown stronger. I know I have no reason to be this doubtful. And God reminds me every day he is in control and this is his path for me and to have faith. I am human and it can be hard and the devil knows it.
With all these doubts as I stated before there is a sense of peace in my mind and heart among this chaos of feelings. That peace that I cling on to day after day. That peace knowing that I am called and I am ready and that my funds will come. No matter how many calls go unanswered or emails ignored. God has it figured out in his plan to get me to Spain in his time. And I do believe that he has firmly set that date and is encouraging me that I will be in the field by end of April.
I know what God has called me to. I know I will follow his will. I know through him all things are possible (Phil. 4:13). I believe. I have Faith. And I know God is at work. So I want to ask again. I may be sounding like a broken record at this point but Can you help support me on my journey as a missionary associate for 2 years? One time gift or a monthly partner. Anything helps. One time gifts over my one time budget gets converted to monthly support so everything helps! I can not do this alone. I can only do this with your help. I need your support and prayers. Or this journey God has called me on may not happen.
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Let me be honest… This is my open heart letter and plea for your help.